7 Reasons Real-American Women Shouldn’t Date Chinese Men

7 Reasons Real-American Women Shouldn’t Date Chinese Men

Recently, Jocelyn Eikenburg, author of the blog Speaking of China, had an article published in the Huffington Post entitled: “Why Won’t Western Women Date Chinese Men?” She talks about dating and marrying her Chinese husband as an expatriate living in China, and reveals her investigations as to why Western women find dating all these effeminate, sexless, grotesque Chinese men so terribly abhorrent.

While it’s fascinating to highlight all the racist stereotypes and cultural differences that keep Western women from dating Chinese men, there is more to the story. After all, you can’t just say Barbie-doll whitewashing and Hollywood are to blame. You must dig into the psyche of Western women (or more specifically Real-American women) and recognize that they have certain needs that Chinese men simply cannot provide.

Here at AiYaWeb, we’ve enumerated these needs as a courtesy to Real-American women so they no longer have to explain themselves and their despising of the very idea of dating Chinese guys. Apologies for using numbers since we know how much Real-American women hate math.

Please share this with all the Real-American women you know. Their infinite suffering of having to possibly consider dating a Chinese guy over spending an eternity alone eating cheese in a closet must end.

7. Real-American women love giant men

Hey, let’s face it: women love NFL players. Where else is there a larger percentage of violent, enhanced men than those who play for the joy of concussions? And since there are no Chinese men in the NFL, it correlates that for the type of mate Real-American women are drawn to, Chinese men simply don’t fit the demographic.

Real-American women want Ray Rice, not Fried Rice.

6. Real-American women can’t not live in a trailer park

You’ve never seen a Chinese person live in a trailer park. Why? It’s a bad investment. But for Real-American women, it’s part of their life’s dream that their truck-driving, beer-swiggling, former-high-school-homecoming king will sweep them up from their lowly single-wide trailer to a double-wide castle down the narrow street and have meth babies. Chinese guys simply can’t measure down at this level. It’s our failing.

5. Too much sex

There are 1.3 billion Chinese in China. This didn’t happen through artificial insemination – Chinese are too frugal for that. So how did all those people get there while oppressed by a one-child law? Do I have to explain how babies are made?

Chinese men got funky with Chinese women – a lot – at least 1.3 billion times. And a Real-American woman simply can’t handle the sexy time smorgasbord a Chinese man can dish out. While we’re scholars/doctors/engineers during the day, at night, we’re transformed into insatiable Mongols unstoppably (but with full consent) conquesting your lady parts until they are strewn about with exhaustion. Really, please don’t even bother trying to keep up. Only a Chinese uterus can handle that amount of hard loving.

Chinese men are sexless? Ninja, please.

If anything, it’s much too much sex for you, Real-American lady. Go back to reading People magazine. It’s safer.

4. Too much damn math

Another reason why Real-American women shouldn’t date Chinese men? They sure hate counting money. It’s too much math.

And because Chinese in America excel so much in their careers and financial planning, it just makes things worse. Plus, suddenly, you’d have a spouse who can figure out when your credit is tanking. Real-American women hate debt reduction and sound financial practices. Then there’s the having to keep up with the second houses, shadow money, low-interest refi’s, and investment accounts. Math hurts their heads like the idea of having sex 1.3 billion times.

“A billion? Is that a lot? Who knows! The Voice is on!”

3. Chinese babies are too damn cute

“O! M! G! Really? Um, fer sure! Chinese babies are like really totally too damn cute! AmIRight? That like cuteness, y’know? It’s, y’know, like ehmagawd! Too much! EEEKEKEKEKE!” – That’s what she said.

2. No more “ching chong chinaman” jokes

Hey, who doesn’t love “ching chong chinaman” jokes? Nobody. And it’s one reason why Real-American women can’t start dating Chinese men.

“Damn, ching chong chinaman jokes are funny, and dating a Chinese man means giving them up… forever! It’s so unfair. All humor on Earth will be destroyed when we can’t tell a ching chong chinaman joke. We’d only have the Long Duk Dong jokes!” – That’s what she said (again).

1. Real-American women would have to acknowledge Chinese men are people

Hey, everyone gets to believe what she wants to believe. It’s the American way. If Real-American women suddenly started dating Chinese guys, they would have suddenly be forced into loving, family-oriented partnerships. They’d have to look beyond color and culture and realize that most everyone wants the same things in this journey we call life: caring, security, community, passion, connection.

They couldn’t be racist anymore, which totally kills their racist vibe.

Then what’s left? After all, your hate is a terrible thing to waste.

Please share this with all the Real-American women you know. Their infinite suffering of having to possibly consider dating a Chinese guy over spending an eternity alone eating cheese in a closet must end.

With decades of experience being Chinese in America, I am fully qualified to tell Real-Americans everything they need to know about being Chinese.