Tiger Mom Is a Pussy

Tiger Mom Is a Pussy

!SPOILERS! Many who have followed the teachings of Tiger Mom Amy Chua know that by the end of her book on raising kids in a “traditional Chinese model,” she actually acquiesces when her children started rebelling. This makes her a pussy, not a tiger.

Real Tiger Moms know that cruelty and destruction are lifetime survival mechanisms, not just hobbies to indulge in until “our kids get mad” or “start bleeding.” In fact, tigering must happen long into becoming Tiger Grandmoms and Tiger Great-Grandmoms, because who else better than one’s own Chinese mother to tell you that you’re Chinese mothering is insufficient?

In fact, no depiction of Chinese moms has been accurate in the lamestream Real-American media. Joy Luck Club was a work of wishful fantasy where Amy Tan’s moms resolve their relationships to their Americanized daughters by !SPOILERS! marrying white people or dumping Tiger Dad. Nickelodeon’s Kai-Lan doesn’t even have parents, which for Real-American children is like heaven. Life without parents? Better hope you’re family was rich, because your only path in life at that point is to become Bat-Man!

Tiger Mom, Joy Luck Club, and Kai-Lan were the only depictions I could find of Chinese people in the Real-American media, but that’s a topic for another day.

Real-Americans could likely never deal with the true ruthlessness and ferocity genuine Tiger Moms dole out to their kids to get them to play the piano perfectly while becoming valedictorian and establishing their private practice as a doctor. Our reality would have to be fictionalized by HBO, set in Medieval times with naked dragons and naked breasts, and played by all white cast members. Emotional beheadings, if you will.

Real-American children are pandered to no end with their “safety” and “self-esteem.” But as stated before: For a society that can make 1.3+ billion people, the life of one matters little.

Photo Credit: Tambako the Jaguar via Compfight cc

With decades of experience being Chinese in America, I am fully qualified to tell Real-Americans everything they need to know about being Chinese.